Thursday, April 18, 2013

Sucking Rocks and Tissues

Ever have one of those days.  Me, too.  This has been an interesting week of 'those days'.  Let me just say this:  right now being a bigger person sucks rocks.

I'm fairly passionate about things.  I feel strongly.  I also come from a family of yellers.  I've been working my entire adult life to recognize and counteract the yelling.  My entire adult life.  And I've gotten pretty good at it.  No, really.  I am really good at it.

But, sometimes other people don't see how you've grown, how you are changing life long habits, how you are being a bigger person every single day.  This goes back to a previous post and a new unpleasant exchange with the same loved one.  I cried myself to sleep last night after tossing and turning for hours.  I'm sitting here now, tearing up.  You know, if I didn't love this person it would be no biggie, but I do and that we've had a kerfuffle is upsetting.  And the lack of sleep is icing when no icing is needed.  So, tissues for everyone.

I'm being a bigger person.  Not THE bigger person.  A bigger person.  I want to yell, I want to slam things, I want to whine about my situation, because that would feel like doing something and would distract me from just how sucky I feel.  And it's how I grew up and learned to react when unpleasantness came around.  But I know that's not really helpful and often is destructive, so I'm just sitting here feeling miserable and being a bigger person.  And just right now it sucks rocks.

This Debbie Downer post is now closing.  Hopefully the wisdom of Pooh will offset the downer of me.  :)

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Thank you for sharing your kind thoughts!