I knew it when I typed it. I should have re-thought it then, but I pressed on anyway. I knew when I started "Hope-Filled Mondays" that it was going to be problematic. Not because I would have trouble coming up with topics or anything...
Okay, here's the thing: I don't like repetitive deadline commitments. I don't like saying that because others tend to think I'm saying something about them, when in fact I'm only talking about myself.
Let me clarify, I'm not a commitment-phobe. I'm married, for more than two decades; I'm a mother and for those of you who also are you know what a commitment that is; I'm gainfully employed. So it's not the commitment, it's the deadline that comes again and again. I suppose I am a free spirit and feel much happier when I can do as the spirit moves me. Does this make sense to any of you? I know I'm not the only one. Some people thrive on deadlines and commitments, joining groups, attending meetings, living by scheduled activities. I am profoundly grateful for each and every one of you, because I simply cannot. The big three, as I like to call them, spouse, childen, job are about all the deadlines I can manage without suffocating. I like to wake up and feel like digging in the mud and do it. Or to whip out some fabric or yarn and create something. I like the freedom and the challenge of an unscheduled life.
So, knowing this about myself, why on earth would I think to start a weekly entry? Well, I had an idea about using this blog as a test for future work. But, as I only made it two weeks in a row, then took three weeks to follow up... It speaks for itself.
I can say I've learned some important truths: I do not like the pressure of 'having to'. For me, it sucks the fun out of what I have otherwise enjoyed.
Another important thing I learned is that I really don't like limiting myself to one topic. I found as I was sitting down to write the third blog I felt very resistant to the topic and would start something else, or veer off to something else mid paragraph.
Like the gifts I make, I've learned I like to allow my creative thoughts to develop along the way. As I've said before, I am not a brand. What I create is as unique and varied as the people I give to and the same is true of my writing. I could never be happy producing one thing or designing within a strict framework, which is not to say I detest, dislike or in any way devalue those who do.
The opposite is in fact true. I am very thankful that Levi's are as dependable as the sun and no matter who's wearing them or where you might be, you know them when you see them. I could go on and on, naming brand after brand that I know and trust, often turning to them for my creative pursuits. I think it's amazing to see quilts, photographs, paintings,etc., and be able to know, without a doubt, it's this artist or that. And while I value and admire this in others, I simply cannot emulate it and be happy.
I don't like promising and not delivering, which is why it's taken three weeks to publish this apology/explanation.
So, what does this mean going forward? While the entries will not be regular, living a hope filled life is integral to who I am and they will continue. I believe the world needs us all. If we were all alike, we would drive each other mad or bore each other to death. Variety is life. The older I get, the more I realize that only by being grateful for the amazing and diverse variety in people, places, and things, can we be truly free to be who we want to be. I think there is great hope in recognizing the value of others.
I hope this Monday finds you hopeful!
PS - no picture with this post as we have a new tower and I've yet to figure out how to successfully network Vista with Windows 7.