Sunday, September 22, 2013

Insensitive Comments

So, here's the question of the day... What do you do when someone makes an insensitive comment to you?

It's easy to be pissed, but is that really healthy?

Do you let it create hurt feelings and is that really helpful?

Do you ignore it, though on some level you are upset or else you wouldn't still be thinking about it? And if you ignore it, does the Insensitive Commenter (IC) just continue to plow through life saying stupid stuff? Do you care how the IC goes through life?

Well, here's my situation. I made a random off the cuff comment about someone else this morning, who was wearing much too short shorts. I said, "Why, why, why, is she wearing such short shorts?" She did not hear it, nor did anyone else except the IC. Today the IC decided to 'teach' me a lesson, by likening the sweater I was wearing to the teeny tiny shorts. He said "Why do you wear that red sweater with that little white top? Because you like it. She must like those shorts." There was more, but that's more than enough.

Here's the thing, I could spend some time explaining to you that I don't live in Hollywood, or NYC or the Bahamas and that shorts that just cover your butt cheeks are not really a good idea for anyone, let alone a woman well into her 40's. I could tell you more things, but in the end it is just trying to justify my opinion, which I don't think I need to do. My opinion is my opinion. I'm entitled to it.

What's upsetting to me about this is that he felt the need to guilt me about my opinion. What the hell! This is someone who is supposed to love me. Does he have to love every opinion I have, no. Should he shame and guilt me about a dislike of tiny shorts on full grown adult women? Hell, no.

I could have saved myself this aggravation by staying in bed, this morning. Or keeping an inside my head thought inside my head.  But, I didn't do either of those things. So, now I'm stuck with this thorn in my side. Freaking IC.

Have I ever mentioned before that guilt is a totally crappy emotion, both to have and to impose on another? Shame and guilt are two of the most destructive ways to hurt other people. Probably also contributes to my reaction, here.

Here's another point of contention... I could just fluff off the IC as stupid or thoughtless or a jerk. But I know he is not any of that. He is smart, and caring, and loving. Which makes this morning's exchange even more frustrating.

BLAHHHHH. Communication is a complicated business.

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Thank you for sharing your kind thoughts!