Happy Fall!

It's really and truly fall here. The weather is crisp, the leaves are colorful, and I'm so happy about it. I love fall. It's always been my favorite season. Not sure why exactly, but I figure that it is back to school time is part of it. I always loved school, well except for one or two high school years when I simply tolerated most of it. I loved it with my kids and I love it now.

As seen on the Web: OMG!

Funny Story: Last year at this time I felt compelled to buy colored pencils and markers. No idea why, but you know they are like 50 cents, so I threw one of each in my cart at the grocery with a shrug. Later, I was unloading and putting things away and my niece knocks on the door. "Do you have any colored pencils or crayola markers?" she asked after a quick hug. Turns out she needed them for a homework assignment and because I had some, she and her mom didn't have to make the 20 minute (one way) trip to buy some. It was a funny and happy moment for all of us. Life is completely magical like that. I could have easily talked myself out of buying them when the urge pulled me to the supplies.

When we listen to our intuition, life is completely magical. This story reminds me to listen more and doubt less.

Hello Blog!

Yes, it's been some time. I'm amazed anyone has read the blog while I've been out of sight, but you have. Thanks for that. So what has been keeping me away?

Well, remember a post or two ago, when I mentioned I was considering a new job. Well, I've found a new job that I'm very excited about. Right now, I am working at both jobs, training someone to takeover at the old and training to learn my new responsibilities. It's crazy busy and I am exhausted. It's the sheer volume of stuff I don't know at the new job and trying to retain it is serious work. On Friday, I went to bed at 8:30 and I took a nap yesterday. But, I'm really excited about the new job. It's fun and interesting and challenging. It's a great office and I enjoy my new co-workers and it's work I feel good about doing.

Part of the reason I've been quiet is I've been working through all the complex emotions I have about the old job. I worked for a small non-profit and I loved the idea of working for a non profit, like the work was making a difference in the world. Like it was creating a greater good simply because it was for a non-profit. I really bought into the whole notion that I was doing God's work (which all non-profits reinforce with great intensity) and because it was God's work it was okay that I felt used or underpaid or overworked or stressed beyond reasonable expectations.

I feel like I'm justifying my decisions, but the fact of the matter is that how I feel is how I feel. Period. End of discussion. No one else needs to agree with or support what I'm saying, how I feel is how I feel.

I spent a long time contemplating this decision. It wasn't a rushed decision or a rash one. I had a couple of epiphanies through the process:

1. All work can make the world a better place. Working for a non-profit doesn't make the work more noble or more fulfilling. It's what you bring to the job and what the job adds to you that raises the work to something more. It was really kind of arrogant or condescending or something to think about it otherwise-proof positive I have more to learn.
2. No work should negatively affect your self-worth. If and when that happens, run. Run as fast as your little feet will carry you. There is always another place to work. Seriously, run. All that negative emotion builds up and builds up. Eventually it's going to come out. Either at work or at home. There is only so much a person can hold in. 

Now that the decision is made and the transition has begun, I am happy, relieved, excited again. At one point in this process my youngest said "It will be nice to have a happy momma again." Sobering. I had no idea how much negativity and frustration I was bringing home. When I was sharing that with a friend, she said it begins to feel like a coat you put on, that weighs you down and affects every aspect of your life.

No job is worth your personal happiness. None. 

Unfortunately for me, not only was the job affecting me at home, it affected me at work, too. I was so frustrated and well, pissed, that I had an argument at work which I'm not pleased about. I stayed there too long. I take responsibility for that. I did not call out the bully and I put up with the policies I didn't agree with. I take responsibility for that, too. Owning up to my part in the 'argument' at work is and was a real sore spot with me. Not that I take full responsibility for the argument, because it takes two people to fight. What I find upsetting about that incident is that I let my frustration push me into behavior that I can't abide. I don't like arguing. I am quite good at expressing myself and I tell the truth and I work hard to listen really well. I don't like arguing and I don't think it belongs in the workplace. Refer to #2 above. I don't like who I felt I was becoming in relationship to my supervisor. 

No job is worth losing who you really are. None.

There are other gruesome details, which I'm not going to document. I really don't ever want to revisit it and I can't see how it would benefit anyone else. I want to move on, into the light. Suffice it to say, I learned a lot about myself, I will treasure most of the people I met there and I'm grateful, eternally grateful, for the experience. It sounds crazy, but I am eternally grateful for the entire experience, the good, the bad and the ugly. 

Since I know to get where I'm going, I had to be where I was, there's no regret. While I might be disappointed with aspects, I learned there is still more to learn. And really, thank goodness for that. I mean, why would I even get out of bed every day if I were perfect? 

Tips for Craiglist Buyers

I have a thing you have bothered to call about, so it must be something you want. I'm simply selling something I no longer need or want. You are not doing me a favor. If anything, I'm doing you a favor, so if you want me to sell it to you, start with following this checklist:

1. Show up on time. Arrive when you say you are going to arrive. Being late is disrespectful. Disrespect does not incline me to want to sell you anything.
2. Remember: I am a person. 
3. We've never met before, so being pleasant and courteous is a good start.
4. I am selling an item. You are not doing me a favor. 
5. I've put a price on it. That's the price I want or I would have put a different price on it. 
6. YOU are NOT doing me a favor.
7. Don't call 10 times talking about random things or call, trying to keep me on the phone going over and over and over the same thing. I don't have that kind of time. 
8. Don't call 10 minutes before you said you'd arrive to ask for a different time. Again, disrespectful. 
9. Don't start listing all the things that are wrong with the item when you arrive. It's rude. Rudeness does not incline me to want to sell you ANYTHING.
10. You don't want it? Fantastic. Just say so and have a safe trip home. 
11. YOU ARE NOT DOING ME A FAVOR.

Criminy! What on earth are you thinking? Coming to my house and acting like a fool? Calling on the phone eating up my time and energy for nothing. Seriously putting a disclaimer on the ad right now. Fools and Disrespecters need not respond. Some day soon this is going to be a very funny story.

It's a quickie update of sorts...

We've been away for vacation. It was the best vacation yet - relaxing, fun, interesting, filled with people I love. Just the sort of bliss that you want to continue always, which got me to thinking about what might be in my life that negatively impacts my bliss. While floating on the lake or visiting charming small towns around the lake, I let my mind work in the background. No forced study, no struggle, no angst, just letting my brain do what it does best. At the end of the week, I knew that several things needed to change. (I started this on August 2 and am just finishing it today. When you start reading, perhaps you will understand why.)

Scarlet & Gray

The first on the list was my phone. It's nearly 4 years old and in smart phone technology, that's generations! For example: new smart phones have 2GB of RAM standard these days; my old phone had 368 MB of RAM (2GB=2000MB). So? you might say as my husband did... So, it means that when more than one app is running, using RAM, there are MANY screen freezes, system shut downs, inability to use the keyboard, etc. It had also started to lose functionality... like backing up.

So, what to do, what to do. I really love all the new technology, big screens, fancy cameras, but I do not really love the price tags. Technology, like cars, comes at a crazy premium for this year's model. I decided to take the same approach I do when buying a new car... I bought a good quality used model with all the important aspects I was looking for, but at a price I can live with. The bonus to the route I went is I don't have to commit to a two year contract. This is one are of my life where I am a true commitment-phobe. 

So now, I'm a happy iPhone user, who lost all my contacts. Apparently iPhone and Android are not friends and won't share contacts, which I didn't know. And I could enter them all in manually, except the old phone will not cooperate with that. So, I've been slowly rebuilding my contact list. Some people just don't want to help a girl out and so I'll be doing without the pleasure of their contact info. Oh well.

Another thing on the list is my job. I haven't been super happy... Okay, I haven't been happy, even, nevermind super happy, for a while. I like working and I want to feel happy working. I have in the past, so I know it's possible and I don't think it's asking too much. I'm discerning just how to handle this and as it's a big one, I'm taking my time. As Forrest Gump would say: That's all I have to say about that. For now. But, I'll keep you posted.

I've been suffering with some sort of rosacea on my face for a while now. At least I think it falls under the category of rosacea. As with a lot of things, there isn't one cause, everyone experiences it differently with different triggers and combinations of symptoms. The point is: I'm over it. It's negatively affecting me in subtle, sinister ways (like avoiding having my picture taken or avoiding situations with new people). I'm over it. I don't want to live like a hermit.

And it's not like I've been doing nothing... I tried eliminating common "food triggers", but to no avail. Eliminating wheat, tomatoes, spicy food, caffeine, sugar, etc... Any common food trigger I eliminated individually and in combination only made meal time challenging and made no difference whatsoever to my face.  

So, back to the drawing board. I've been researching and have found a couple of things that are really making a difference.

You may remember my post earlier this year about changing what products I was using for skin and hair care, to eliminate sketchy chemicals. At that time, I switched to using only Castille soaps for body and face. That made a difference. The one I use has two ingredients in it: Olive oil, Aloe. Because of the olive oil in the soap, I no longer need lotion on a daily basis. I use it occasionally when it's dry, but haven't used any all summer (so much humidity). Then, after much research and waiting for supplies to arrive, 10 days ago, I started using a blend of avocado oil and tea tree oil before bed. I basically use a 2 to 1 ratio, more avocado, which I eyeball so it's not exact. The change in my face has been dramatic. DRAMATIC. It's only been 10 days and it's noticeable! I was talking to my husband yesterday and he paused mid-sentence and told me how much better it looked. WOO!

Another area that needs attention is organization in our house. We live in a very old house, built when closets were novelties, so there is a serious lack of storage. So whatever storage we have must be really organized and faithfully reviewed. Prior to two years ago, I was much more diligent about looking at the drawers and cabinets and organizing and cleaning them out. But in the last two years it's fallen by the wayside a little and it's starting to negatively affect every day life. I've purchased a few shelving and storage ideas and am going to attack (sounds fierce, doesn't it!) the corner cabinet in the kitchen. I don't know why I think this must be the source of all the clutter, but I do. So, I'm about to wrap up this post and begin. 

There is much in life to be grateful for and every day I see it more and more. This post seems like of litany of problems, but I hope you will look at it the way I do. Life has challenges in it. Period. It does. No one is exempt. In knowing that, I find it very easy to say okay, this is what today holds let's get after it. In putting things aside, not really looking at it, refusing to deal with it or in any other way denying your challenges, just let's them breath and grow. When you shine a light on it, fear (and trouble) withers. It cannot withstand scrutiny. Fear needs the dark and the secret. 

This blog is my way of shining a light on things that are challenging me. I don't always list the most troublesome primarily because not every challenge I face is strictly my own. Just because I feel good and right about posting my personal struggles does not mean I have the right to detail the challenges of those I love. Respect first.

Geez, this is a long post. If you made it all the way to here, Woo HOO! I hope you found something worthwhile. If you didn't, you won't be reading this so, no point in finishi...

So, ALL that being said... I feel energized and am going to get after it. 

PS... We are still yoga-ing, now two times a week. LOVE it!

Birthday Party

Today my youngest is 21. It's a good day and just a little wistful. 21. Such a momentous occasion. Always on their birthdays, I find myself flipping through the photo albums in my memory of all the years.

He arrived 5 weeks early and has been on the move ever since. He's amazing and wonderful and challenging and smart and it's a pleasure and an achievement to be his mother.

Happy birthday sweetness!

Of Human Tornados and Growth

Yesterday was an interesting day. Work was filled with drama and angst and tension, all of which arrived with and stemmed from one single person.

Thankfully, it wasn't me.

It's disconcerting to watch a human tornado in action. Leaving chaos and confusion in it's wake.

For most of the day, I held myself separate. It's a skill I've been practicing for some time. You know the phrase "in this world but not of the world"?  I've been developing the skill of witnessing, without committing emotional energy.

So yesterday, I was in the chaos, but I was not of the chaos. Until the last 30 minutes of the day, when I let myself swirl around in it. And then it affected my evening, as negativity is wont to do.

Because it did, I realize how much work I have to do. At the same moment, I realize how much work I have done. I mean, I was separate for most of the day. Focused on my own goals and accomplishments, I was aware of, but not involved in the tornado. Each time it approached me, I smiled and moved myself out of the path. This is good to recognize. I feel lighter, happier and accomplished realizing it. Yea!

Turns out I don't begrudge having work to do. This is also growth! There have been times when I'd beat myself up for not being more, better, perfect. Those times are past. I no longer expect or want perfection. Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!

My goal is to be love. In every situation, every relationship and every interaction, my goal is to express love. Which is not to say that I give up my needs or wants to keep the peace. It is not loving myself to constantly give in or not express my feelings or to take verbal abuse from anyone. What I mean here is that there are ways to say what needs to be said without leaving destruction in your wake and that is my goal. Some days I am really good at it. Some days I recognize situations that trigger negative responses and know I have work to do.

I found this quote from Deepak Chopra. It made me think of the number of times I've said "I didn't have a choice". Kind of a cop out isn't it? I didn't have a choice means, I made a choice I don't think you will like or I made a choice that does not live up to my expectations for myself. So, I'm repeating it to myself each morning. Because I always have a choice, I choose Love.

Love is the answer. 
I choose Love.
Love is all you really need. 
Love. 
Love.
Love. 

It's my Birthday!

Oh yes it is! It's my birthday and I'm celebrating. Join me, won't you? Aren't these beautiful?!  They arrived yesterday and got the party started! 

This morning when I woke up, this was waiting for me:

Life is pretty grand. Let's all have an especially great day!

Okay, I get it.

So, you know when a life lesson is staring you in the face and you really don't want to see it? So life gets a little bit louder and little bit fiercer? And then you try to talk your way out of the lesson? You try to reason with the lesson? You try to negotiate with the lesson? You try and rationalize the lesson? Ignore it? Get pissed? ARGUE with it?

Well, I do. I've been doing all of that. For longer than I'm willing to document. I've been doing it and I finally am calling Uncle. OK, I get it. Okay, OKay, OKAy, O  K  A  Y! I'm paying attention. I'm no longer sticking my head in the sand. I am looking right at you life lesson and I am accepting.

For anyone who might be reading this little post, please send a kind thought, a prayer, a hope winging for me. I need it. While I am looking at the lesson, know what it means, accept I've got to learn it, I still have some trepidation. I welcome all positive thoughts. I accept all the help available to me.

These sweet little Johnny Jump Ups are symbols of the abundant nature of life. I haven't planted these in years. Like 8 years, maybe more, and yet they appear year after year after year. Volunteers. I love them. Pansies are beautiful flowers and that is reason enough to love them. I also love them for their resilience and tenacity. These sweet blooms are a reminder to just be me and universe will also provide what I need to flourish. 

The past week and menopause

Okay, Yoga week two. More challenging. Not awful, not super hard, just more challenging. We learned new poses, we spent more time in them, in significantly warmer temperatures and my period started.

Sorry if this bothers anyone, but as this blog is for me and this is something I may need to refer back to, I'm about to document menopause and menstrual cycles. I started perimenopausal symptoms several years ago. You know, hot flashes, disrupted sleep, strange menstrual cycles amongst other really fun symptoms. A friend and I were discussing it, because of course I thought I was too young. No, she says, you aren't. I did more research only to learn perimenopause can last 2-10 years. Oh Joy!

Although my periods have been varied, sometimes long, sometimes short, sometimes, really close together, sometimes very heavy, I never skipped a month, until this year. I had a period in January and February and then nothing. So, I thought Woo! Done with that. Until Saturday. And once it started I've felt drained, exhausted, even. And it's not like it's even worth the effort, so light a period it is.

By the way, when you try to discuss your situation with a doctor, the mood swings, the sweating, oh my lord, the mood swings, the weight gain, the random hairs growing everywhere, the sweating, and any and everything else... Know what you will hear? "It's in the realm of normal". serious eye rolling here! I actually don't think it matters what you tell them. "I'm seeing purple polka dots", "I have hair growing between my toes", "I have a sudden craving for olive ice cream"... you'll get the same response. I haven't tried it, lol, but that would make the appointment way more fun! 

This topic is not discussed enough. I've polled all my friends. No one talks about it. Probably because it's embarrassing. Probably because by the time it happens to your mother you're grown, away at college or living on your own and so you don't see it. IDK. For my mother, her body was forced into early menopause by chemo. It wasn't the same. She had all the signs and symptoms condensed down into a 3 month period. She went from normal to menopausal in the blink of an eye, and really couldn't separate the chemo side effects from the menopausal symptoms, so I really have no reference points, which is why I've quizzed all my friends.

Onto a new topic. I'm so over perimenopausal/menopausal! If you have any insight - - I'd appreciate you sharing. 

I knitted some adorable baby hats this week for our newest grandson. He's a sweet little bundle! I've never knitted a baby hat before. It was a challenge. I followed three different patterns and only 1 turned out a reasonable facsimile of the correct size. And yes, before you ask, I did a swatch test and knew I, as I always do, was knitting larger. Even dropping down a needle size or two, didn't help the end product. ARGH! So, I went with the one pattern that nearly worked, added three extra stitches and ended up with some very adorable hats! Picture to come!

My office at work is at the farthest point from the air conditioner and so I've been told by people who are supposed to know, that it's just 'the way it is' that it's sweltering in there. BOO! Have I mentioned I'm perimenopausal (or possibly menopausal, who knows) and I'm warm all the dang time? Well yesterday was the hottest day of the year, so far, and very sunny. It was a sweat box and I felt myself getting more and more pissed as the day progressed. So yet another call and am now awaiting Frick and Frack (my names for the maintenance team) to come and take another look.

So, the blog views have passed the 5000 mark. What do you think about that? Yea, I don't know what to think, either. It's cool, though. I hope you are enjoying it. I also hope you take the ranting with a grain of salt. Negative-ness is better out than in and this blog is my getting it out place.

We've begun painting the living room. I know. It's a lot of painting. Eh, what can you do? I do like to switch stuff up and my husband is a trooper. I really like saturated color, but have decided to go lighter and brighter in there. The color is called cream in my coffee or something like that and hubby picked it out. It's tough to tell just yet, but I'm leaning toward liking it. :-)

My niece was over this afternoon and ended up playing cards with my son. I was in an adjacent room, working on my jewelry, listening to the two of them. They were completely adorable. Insulting and laughing and sharing secrets. I just love kids. She and her family moved two country doors down two years ago and it's been such a good thing. For all of us. 

And that is the news of the week, I think. Thanks for hanging in there.  I'm planning to take some pictures tomorrow to make the posts prettier. We have some stunning flowers in bloom around the house.

BTW-if that Yoga cat picture from a couple of posts ago, doesn't make you smile... Well I don't know what. Look again. It's funny!

Happy Thursday!

Bedroom Update

New Mattress Set

Okay, confession: I started this and was really quite tired of the bedroom project and couldn't drum up any enthusiasm to take pictures. So it's been sitting for a little while. But it'll be good to document this stuff, so I'm finally finishing this post.

It's been two weeks since the bed arrived and three since we started the refresh in earnest. We ended up taking the better part of a week off, as we were both burned out.

It has been really challenging to buy bedding for this refreshing. Seriously. I am surprised about that. I figured it would be a piece of cake.

up close sides

The duvet insert, was fairly easy. I read several articles on what the different measurements are for down and once I knew what all the numbers meant, it was easy to pick out an insert. While I was nervous about not being able to feel it before purchasing, I'm really glad I went with my instincts. Our new insert is lighter, yet warmer than our previous one and was very reasonably priced.

Sheets. That's a different story altogether. I have yet to find a gray patterned sheet that I like or that isn't too clashy for our pillows. Even online. The other challenge with online is the color. I ordered some flannel sheets that looked to be gray and white, but in reality are gray and tan. Very disappointing.

Top. Beautiful.

I did successfully order a duvet cover in a subtle gray on gray stripe. It's nice and very soft and well priced. I would prefer it to not be a solid color but for now its good.

Our sheets are cream colored. Not my first color choice, but they are great quality and that is way more important.


We decided to take out everything and only bring back in what we really want. The room is huge! And we haven't put anything on the walls. I must say am enjoying it, a little surprised by how much.

Duvet Cover

So, it's coming together! A little more to do that will hopefully be finished this week. (BTW - that didn't happen. It's still not quite finished.)

Okay, that was the unfinished post... Here come the new updates: 

Confession: One I've probably already told you... I don't really enjoy shopping. I don't do it for fun. I especially don't like to do it for a specific thing. I find it terribly frustrating to look for a specific thing, in every store in the greater metropolitan area. Terribly frustrating.

Basket!

I did more shopping in the month of May than I would enjoy doing in a year. And still couldn't find exactly what I wanted. But things I did find are fun additions to the room. Notice the dandelion basket. I found two and they are currently holding all of my secret (well, not so secret) clutter that I absolutely cannot live without. The gray of the dandelion looks good with the walls!

Towels. We found really fun and interesting towels. They were the easiest and most fun purchases since the pillows.

Rug. See my toes, oops.

We found a new rug, too. Oh, we rearranged the furniture in the room, thanks to our youngest son, who is really gifted with spatial planning. Hmmm... maybe he should think about architecture instead of political science. Anyway, we were also looking at rugs, everywhere we went. Hubby liked the one in the picture and though we looked and looked, this was still his favorite. He calls me one day and says, I still like that rug we saw called... I say: To be honest, I can't remember what it looked like. We'd seen so many blessed rugs, towels, paint chips, sheets, etc., you understand. So he offers to stop by the store and take a picture of it. I say Okay! Some time later, he arrives home with the rug. I am thrilled. I could have wept. Not because it looks perfect in the space or that in the array of colors on the rug has both the wall color and the duvet color. No. I nearly wept with relief that I neither had to shop for nor make the decision about what rug to buy.

That was when I knew that we needed some time away. More than a week. We needed some breathing room and decided to shelve the refresh.

washcloths

But, we are nearly finished. The big thing is the headboard. Because we live in an old quirky house, there isn't a wall without a window or door on it. It makes bed placement tricky. In it's old configuration, the bed was in front of two windows - see picture above. But in the old configuration we had a queen. Now we have a king. It was too squishy in it's old place. In the new, it's only in front of one window. (there will be finished photos soon!) This makes the headboard tricky. Plus my husband, whom I totally love, makes stuff difficult. (I say with love). He does. He overthinks, plans, replans, strategizes, rethinks and then starts over. I say, mount it to the wall. He says, when the bed moves, the headboard won't. I say, So? Mount it to the wall. He says they are plaster walls. I say, So? Mount it to the wall. He says it partially covers the window, can't mount it to the window. I say, build it so it rests on the sill. He says then there's no possibility of airflow. He shows me drawings, looking down. Seriously my head is spinning at this point. I'm trying. Really trying, but these drawings make no sense to me whatsoever. He's so earnest in trying to explain it to me, but I have no idea why it has to be this complicated. So I finally describe what I want and tell him to do what he needs to do. I heard him say to son#1 yesterday that he had to rethink the headboard. Inside my head, I said, mount it to the plaster wall, resting it on the window sill, blocking the airflow and be done with it. Oh yes, there is a little frustration there. Ouch.

hand towels

I want to put some words on the wall. I haven't felt inspired yet. What is your favorite quote? I love words. The perfect thing to put on our wall is coming to me, I just know it.

Well, that's the update as of today. I think.

Big week...

It's been a big week at our house! In and amongst the normal day to day stuff, there were some big events.

Best Hubby and I celebrated #26 with a nice dinner out, just the two of us. It was fun, the food was good and the company outstanding. ♥ that guy!

I sold 4 things, on the same day, at the Galena Vault. Woot! My new business is picking up and I'm very excited at the prospect. More than that, I'm so hap-hap-happy being creative. It's wonderful and I'm filled with gratitude!

We have a new baby in the family. He's sweet and adorable and spent most of the time I was holding him, looking right back at me. LOVE that connection. Babies, brand new, fresh from the presence of God, are a wonder and a treasure.

We also have a high school graduate in the family! We spent hours in the car to celebrate with him and it was good. The look on his face, the appreciation, the excitement, the joy. Oh, so worth it (have I mentioned I don't like long car rides?). I took a pic of him on my phone and said Oh, what a great picture of you... then showed it to him. He shrugged and made non-committal, noises. I said, No, look at this. This is a great picture. Of you! He looked again and smiled ear to ear. Yeah, he said, it is. I love kids. I love when they get an inkling of how great they really are.

This was Washington DC week for the 8th graders in our family. For some it was the longest trip away from Mom & Dad, which of course was harder for the parents than the kids.

Two new homes this week as well. Crazy right! Two different family members found the homes of their dreams and will be moving to them in the next couple of months! One is moving much closer and one a little further away. I, of course, think everyone should live right around me so I can see them whenever I want. Wait, is that selfish? Yes, well, I suppose, but there you have it.

We also lost someone this week. She was 86 and had lived a long life and was loved well and truly by her family. She will be missed and it's a difficult time for those who loved her. Godspeed and God's Peace.

Life is a jumble and comes in a mad rush at times. So much to be grateful for, the beginnings, the endings and all that comes between.

We create pressure

Okay, I admit it, I'm a big Dancing with the Stars junkie. From the first day through today I have watched every season. I don't really care so much who wins, except I want the person who wins to be more than a good dancer. I like the humanity aspect, the connection, the story. I also like to watch people create art with their minds and bodies. I like to laugh and this show has plenty of that, too. 

Anyway, watching earlier this week, one dancer, Derek Hough, said "Pressure doesn't exist. We create it for ourselves." And I thought to myself, huh, isn't that an interesting perspective on life. 

So I thought I'd share.

I totally pilfered this picture from the internet. I apologize in advance if it gets your unnies in a bunch. I just wanted to show one of the many beautiful pictures created by this seasons dancers. Derek's partner this season is Amy Purdy, the Paralympic Snowboarder.


Happy Tuesday! 

Patience...

As I'm sitting here, every bad joke about patience I've ever heard is flitting through my mind. I really can't resist...

I want patience and I want it now!

I am in the midst of a personally challenging situation. Without going into details I don't want fluttering around the web at the moment, I will summarize it as: I must deal on a regular basis with a person who isn't in control of their emotions, as in very like bi-polar. I am not a doctor and can't make any sort of diagnosis. What I am is frustrated, emotionally drained and pondering what options I have.

Must I continue on, dealing with this person and the wide, w i d e, mood swings? Or is it time to remove myself from the situation altogether? Is there some other option?

I'm reluctant to remove from it. I feel at turns like that might be running away, or allowing myself to driven away. Neither of which I find acceptable.

Continuing on holds little appeal because I have absolutely no way of knowing what will be presented. Happy, jovial, fun. Or mean and belittling. Any random little thing can set off a rant, followed by sickening joviality rather than apologies.

The situation, when this person is removed from it, is fun, interesting, appropriately challenging and something I care about. When this person is present, the fear of a verbal attack makes it tense, confusing and wholly unpleasant.

So, in the midst of the turmoil, the message above is sent to me. Is this person here to teach me patience? Or is this person here to teach me to get the heck out of Dodge? How do I know?

Come on, world wide web, tell me the truth... How do I know?

Well, unfortunately, no ready answers have appeared.

AAAAARRRGGGHHHH

So you know how you have a conversation with a person. A fairly important conversation. One where the other person nods and responds and appears to be listening.... And then some time later, same person claims no knowledge of the thing you talked about. The thing they responded about, nodded their head about.

AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!

Some days I just want to stand on the back porch and scream. Like today. Really loud. And long.

Phew. Okay, I think I'm coming back from the edge. Do you ever think it's someone's mission in life to drive you bonkers? Oh, no? Well.

Anyway, the weather is freaking beautiful today and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. Cool and breezy with warm sunshine. It's awesome, I tell you.


Well, that's it for today. I just needed a mental health post and you lucky, lucky people get to read it. Hope your day is filled with more freaking beautiful and less aaaarrrggghhh!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

A little humor on this greenest of holidays!

missing in action and other randomness

Yes, I have been. I am in super create mode, getting ready to put things in a retail shop. I've started a couple of posts, but haven't finished them. I have plans at attempting a mini tutorial, but that takes some doing and right now I'm not set up for it, so I've put those on hold. So basically, this means that I've put in the time, but no posts to show for it. tiny bit aggravating.

Spring forward is kicking my butt. I overslept on Monday, making me very late for work. I worried about that last night, couldn't get to sleep, was late again today! 

I have been doing some research into yeast (long story) and have discovered that the companies that are making the breads, cookies, cakes, etc, are using, on average, triple the amount of leavening agents that a recipe needs. Some of the long story: My husband is a sugar hound. He can sit and eat 20 or 30 of the ever shrinking soft and chewy chocolate chip cookies that come in the red packages. I said to him "When I make cookies you only eat 5 or 6, but the store bought you can eat a bag at a time. There is something that they are adding or doing to the cookies to make them so lightweight and insubstantial." Then, when I started in earnest, making bread for our family - all the loaves I made were dense-very unlike the commercial bread, including the pricey, foo foo brands.

Why and why do I care... Why: Well, I suppose like everything else, they are trying to make the most out of the littlest possible. By increasing the leavening agents, they get bigger, puffier bread, that takes up more volume, but requires less ingredients. It also reduces the 'proofing' time required for things that need a rise. They also use various 'additives' to attain elasticity and uniformity in baking. They also use additives to prolong shelf life.

Why do I care: Those additives are very controversial. Many additives commonly used in the US are banned in other countries for their known harmful effects. BANNED. Seriously. In addition, there is some discussion about the impacts of the significant increase in leavening on the body, some serious discussion. There is also the fact that commercial yeast has been cultured and no one knows how this might affect you and me.

There are chemicals used in food production and products for your hair and skin that are known to be "Hormone Interrupters". While no one (probably) will be affected by the first use, over time, these interrupters have the ability to change the way your body responds. If one of those chemicals is in your shampoo, your conditioner, your body wash, your face lotion, your laundry detergent, your eye shadow, your body powder, your deodorant, your perfume... then every single day you are absorbing that chemical times 9, before you even consider what's in your food.

So, from me to you, spend a little time investigating what's in the products you are using. Decide what is and isn't okay with you. I can't answer that question for you and I won't pretend to have all the answers. I will say this, if a chemical is banned in 65 countries, but not here, I don't want to ingest it or use it on my super absorbent skin!  Here is the other thing I will say about this: When you know better, you do better. It's time for corporate America to do better. If you've ever wondered why the poor are not the healthiest, consider what lousy nutrition is available in the most economical grocery items or chemical laden health and beauty items are the least expensive. 

Hmmm-little bit of a soap box there. But seriously! I was a poor kid. I know what being poor is. I get so tired of talking heads, who've never been anything close to poor, talking about it like they have any idea. If there are three cans of green beans available to you, you will buy the cheapest ones. Were they sprayed with pesticides? Are they seconds? Are they loaded with chemicals to keep them shelf stable for a decade. Are they in a can lined with plastic that is unsafe? YES, YES, YES, YES. IT IS TIME FOR CORPORATE AMERICA TO DO BETTER! It is also time for all of us to do better. If we demand better, corporations will have no choice but to respond. Okay, totally off my box, now.

Did you notice I discovered the "Color my text" feature? I'm sleep deprived and a little loopy right now.

Today, at work, I totally got my unnies in a bunch over an implied slight. You know the kind of thing I'm talking about... someone says something, but not coming right out and stating it, but implying that something you did or didn't do negatively affected the work. They don't say it to you, or mention you directly, or even ask you about it. They say it in your general area, where you cannot possibly not hear what they are saying and you know and they know and everyone knows that you are the only person who could have 'possibly applied that incorrectly'. I really detest that kind of cowardice. Either say it, to me, or better yet, shut your mouth. But just right now, I'm sitting here laughing at myself. As if it materially affects who I am or the work I do. It doesn't. Which after 45 minutes of research, I had definitive proof that it wasn't an error, but that isn't the point. The point is, if you have something to say, say it. If you can't say it to the person, it probably doesn't need said at all. 

St. Patrick's Day is nearing and I thought I'd share a blessing from my house to yours:  "May your thoughts be as glad as the shamrocks. May your heart be as light as a song. May each day bring you bright, happy hours. That stay with you all the year long."

Be Bold

This photo came across my fb today. Had to share. To everyone who reads this blog, thank you. Knowing that anyone is visiting gives me a kind of impetus to share that if I thought it were just for me, I might have stopped long ago. Your virtual presence makes a difference in my life! Thank You!

Friday & Saturday Musings...

It's a funny thing about sleep, you never know the last good night of sleep you will get before it all hits the skids. And then because you didn't know it was the last one, you can't remember it. As I've mentioned before I'm not sleeping well.

We are having a very blustery day. I've felt like Piglet and Pooh all day. The winds are so strong they were buffeting my car as I was driving. One lady I met today, a very petite lady, was describing the wind pinning her behind the car door as she was trying to get out. Now that's windy.

I'm working on a new project for my Etsy shop. It has the wheels turning and I'm excited to show you. Like Forrest, that's all I have to say about that.

I watched a short tutorial on lighting things for photography and man was it helpful. I believe I'm on the way to figuring out why the scarves don't photograph as well as I would like.

I was in a store today and noticed a young woman (college age) wearing cream colored sweater tights with a orange sherbet colored summer weight fabric  dress and cream colored jacket. I think the fabric was gauze or lawn, but I didn't touch it so I'm not sure, but it was definitely gauze-y, summery. Here's my question... Is it in style to wear a summer dress with sweater tights or is it her style? She looked nice, really cute actually but that's not the point. I'm curious about the sweater tights with such a light and airy dress. Since I know very little about what is trendy, I'm just putting it out there in the universe hoping for an answer.

Well, turns out I forgot to publish this blog yesterday. A few months ago we started cooking a pork loin once or twice a month, which we keep in the fridge and slice for sandwiches or salads or whatever and I left to put that in the oven and then never returned...  Hmmmm...  The pork loin turned out delicious. I coated it very well in a spicy steak seasoning mix on all sides, then roasted it in the oven until it was crispy on the outside. Mmmm Mmmmm!  I've tried a lot of different seasoning on the outside and I really don't think you can go wrong. Here are a couple of my favorites:  Whiskey & Peppery Brown Sugar. Zesty Lemon and Spicy Steak.

By the way, if you don't already, try making your own seasoning mixes. I started by making a taco seasoning and have added others now. The reason I make my own taco seasoning is that commercial mixes come in those packets, which I think are too much for one pound of meat and there are many times when I use less than a pound. Plus, I was forever adding cumin to whatever I was making because the ratio in the commercial mix didn't have enough. In the end it does become way cheaper to make and use your own versus the packets. Yes, you will need to buy the spices, and if you think you'll never use everything you buy, then go in with friends and family members. You split the costs and end up with a good mix that is tailored to your tastes. What I also learned as I was researching is that those little packets contain additives. Making your own means your food only contains things you want it to contain. I started growing my own spices, which I dry and put into canning jars. I also put my seasoning mixes into canning jars, too.

I think I posted about the taco seasoning before, but I can't for the life of me find it, so I'm going to share it, possibly again:

My own mix :)

1 T. Chili Powder
1 T. Cumin
1 t. Onion Powder
1 t. Garlic Powder
1 t. Paprika
1 t. Black Pepper
1 t. Sea Salt
1 t. Oregano
1 t. Cayenne

Measure it directly in the jar, put the lid on and shake! You can also add one teaspoon of corn starch if you want your mix to thicken as well as season. I don't, but if you are used to using packets, they contain corn starch, so you may miss the thickening without knowing why.

When I'm cooking, I start with a tablespoon, taste and add more as needed. You can also put this on chicken or steak you are going to grill. It's delicious to dice or slice for fajitas or taco salad or nachos. 

I'll publish some of my other mixes soon! 

Happy Saturday folks!

Stress...

A while ago, I took on additional responsibilities at work. Part of the new "job" are tasks that are completed once a year @ fiscal year end. That time is upon me again. It's stressful. I've only done it once before and that was 12 months ago. It's stressful! Did I say that already? I don't really know what I'm doing and I feel adrift. I thought today was going to be the end, but not.  Not even close. Everything took extra time today and I discovered that a thing I do once a quarter, I did wrong last quarter. So then extra time was spent trying to figure out how to correct the mistake. ARGH.

Once upon a time I thought doing this would be fun and interesting and challenging. Ha Ha Ha. Insert some hysterical laughing here. Of course it has been fun and interesting and challenging, but just right now there isn't anything fun or interesting. It's all challenging to a level that is very stressful.

At any rate, this too shall pass. And it will. It will pass and then once I'm on the other side of this little nightmare I hope I can laugh in a real way (not hysterical).

Mostly I'm writing this blog entry therapuetically. As often happens, I find that spending a few minutes letting it all out helps me going forward. Also, I'm hoping to get a good night's sleep tonight. I've been so tired the last three days and I'm... do you know what's coming?... TIRED of it! LOL. ROFLOL! Whew, I crack myself up.

We had another lovely day today. Warm, almost balmy. I did drive with the window cracked and it was glorious.

On a sad note, I finished the book on tape I was listening to for the past week and I'm bumming a little. It was a great book and the 'reader' (what is the correct term?) was a really good one. She wasn't too dramatic or monotone, which if you ever listen to books on tape you know that the reader is a critical component to the success of the book. Well, the point is this... I've been listening to the book on tape every time I've been in the car for the last week. I laughed, I cried, I was on the edge of my seat to know what was coming next. That's a good, good book. And now I've finished and I'm bumming.

Also, the chair I sit in at work is slightly too short for my desk, which gives me shoulder fatigue. Whoa, I'm going to stop right there because this could turn into a gripe fest and who needs that? Not me! I am going to resolve that chair thing, though. PDQ.

Well, that's about it from Galena on this night. I'm going to head to my room to chill until I fall asleep. When I wake in the morning I'm going to feel refreshed and joyful and fully rested.

Best kid's joke ever:  Why did the cookie go to the doctor?  Because he felt crumby!

Warm, warm, warm...

  

Imagine me saying that like the soccer announcer yelling GOAL... WAAAAAAARRRRRRRMMMMMM

I actually drove home today with the window down! No it really wasn't warm enough for that, but how could I resist. We've been in a deep freeze for months. Much longer than is typical for this area and I was celebrating the 46 degree weather. It was wonderful and I am grateful!

My SIL is opening a store soon. She's going to sell art, handmade crafts and antiques. It's a fun and exciting time for her. She's asked me to make some things for the shop and today I celebrated the amazing weather by making some things that remind me of summer and warm weather and shorts! Oh my goodness. I guess I didn't realize how much the weather was affecting me.

Anyway, it's been a good and productive day and I'm happy.