Tips for Craiglist Buyers

I have a thing you have bothered to call about, so it must be something you want. I'm simply selling something I no longer need or want. You are not doing me a favor. If anything, I'm doing you a favor, so if you want me to sell it to you, start with following this checklist:

1. Show up on time. Arrive when you say you are going to arrive. Being late is disrespectful. Disrespect does not incline me to want to sell you anything.
2. Remember: I am a person. 
3. We've never met before, so being pleasant and courteous is a good start.
4. I am selling an item. You are not doing me a favor. 
5. I've put a price on it. That's the price I want or I would have put a different price on it. 
6. YOU are NOT doing me a favor.
7. Don't call 10 times talking about random things or call, trying to keep me on the phone going over and over and over the same thing. I don't have that kind of time. 
8. Don't call 10 minutes before you said you'd arrive to ask for a different time. Again, disrespectful. 
9. Don't start listing all the things that are wrong with the item when you arrive. It's rude. Rudeness does not incline me to want to sell you ANYTHING.
10. You don't want it? Fantastic. Just say so and have a safe trip home. 
11. YOU ARE NOT DOING ME A FAVOR.

Criminy! What on earth are you thinking? Coming to my house and acting like a fool? Calling on the phone eating up my time and energy for nothing. Seriously putting a disclaimer on the ad right now. Fools and Disrespecters need not respond. Some day soon this is going to be a very funny story.