Of Human Tornados and Growth

Yesterday was an interesting day. Work was filled with drama and angst and tension, all of which arrived with and stemmed from one single person.

Thankfully, it wasn't me.

It's disconcerting to watch a human tornado in action. Leaving chaos and confusion in it's wake.

For most of the day, I held myself separate. It's a skill I've been practicing for some time. You know the phrase "in this world but not of the world"?  I've been developing the skill of witnessing, without committing emotional energy.

So yesterday, I was in the chaos, but I was not of the chaos. Until the last 30 minutes of the day, when I let myself swirl around in it. And then it affected my evening, as negativity is wont to do.

Because it did, I realize how much work I have to do. At the same moment, I realize how much work I have done. I mean, I was separate for most of the day. Focused on my own goals and accomplishments, I was aware of, but not involved in the tornado. Each time it approached me, I smiled and moved myself out of the path. This is good to recognize. I feel lighter, happier and accomplished realizing it. Yea!

Turns out I don't begrudge having work to do. This is also growth! There have been times when I'd beat myself up for not being more, better, perfect. Those times are past. I no longer expect or want perfection. Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!

My goal is to be love. In every situation, every relationship and every interaction, my goal is to express love. Which is not to say that I give up my needs or wants to keep the peace. It is not loving myself to constantly give in or not express my feelings or to take verbal abuse from anyone. What I mean here is that there are ways to say what needs to be said without leaving destruction in your wake and that is my goal. Some days I am really good at it. Some days I recognize situations that trigger negative responses and know I have work to do.

I found this quote from Deepak Chopra. It made me think of the number of times I've said "I didn't have a choice". Kind of a cop out isn't it? I didn't have a choice means, I made a choice I don't think you will like or I made a choice that does not live up to my expectations for myself. So, I'm repeating it to myself each morning. Because I always have a choice, I choose Love.

Love is the answer. 
I choose Love.
Love is all you really need. 
Love. 
Love.
Love.