Thankful

Thanksgiving is a big deal here in the U.S. Once, while speaking to a Canadian business contact about another phone call that was needed, he said "This week is out because your country is getting ready to shut down for Turkey and Football." I laughed out loud. I'm still smiling about it. He wasn't being derogatory in the least. If anything he was incredulous and maybe even a little envious. I never really thought about how others, who don't celebrate the day, would perceive it and his off the cuff remark was utterly perfect.

Anyway, Thanksgiving is a big deal here and in honor of the day the hubby and I have been feeling creative. This is going into The Galena Vault this week.

Happy Fall!

It's really and truly fall here. The weather is crisp, the leaves are colorful, and I'm so happy about it. I love fall. It's always been my favorite season. Not sure why exactly, but I figure that it is back to school time is part of it. I always loved school, well except for one or two high school years when I simply tolerated most of it. I loved it with my kids and I love it now.

As seen on the Web: OMG!

Funny Story: Last year at this time I felt compelled to buy colored pencils and markers. No idea why, but you know they are like 50 cents, so I threw one of each in my cart at the grocery with a shrug. Later, I was unloading and putting things away and my niece knocks on the door. "Do you have any colored pencils or crayola markers?" she asked after a quick hug. Turns out she needed them for a homework assignment and because I had some, she and her mom didn't have to make the 20 minute (one way) trip to buy some. It was a funny and happy moment for all of us. Life is completely magical like that. I could have easily talked myself out of buying them when the urge pulled me to the supplies.

When we listen to our intuition, life is completely magical. This story reminds me to listen more and doubt less.

Yoga Update...

I know, a second update this week. Whew! How will you ever find time to do anything else if I keep posting at this pace... hee hee. Sometimes I crack myself up.

Anyway, since it's been quite some time since the last yoga update, I thought I'd share: Yes, we are still going. Twice a week very regularly. To be quite frank, while I don't love every minute of every class, I LOVE YOGA. I really do. I feel better, move better, have more flexibility, more strength and as my husband tells me quite often, I look better, too.

There are challenging poses and combinations of poses, that I struggle with and sometimes in the midst of a challenging series, I'm a tad ticked that I can't do it or do it well. But that passes quickly. Last week our instructor, Mary (♥ her) took time to tell me how pleased she was with my progress and that my plank was picture perfect. Given that when we started 3 months ago I could not do a plank is serious praise indeed. It's things like that (and there are a million of them) which make the progress so much fun. For example, when we first started I found sitting cross legged for a length of time uncomfortable. Now I don't even think about doing it. Initially downward facing dog was an effort, but now it's a position of rest. I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

It's awesome and I feel the improvement and am very happy about it. We are considering adding a third class. We'll see what November brings.

Hello Blog!

Yes, it's been some time. I'm amazed anyone has read the blog while I've been out of sight, but you have. Thanks for that. So what has been keeping me away?

Well, remember a post or two ago, when I mentioned I was considering a new job. Well, I've found a new job that I'm very excited about. Right now, I am working at both jobs, training someone to takeover at the old and training to learn my new responsibilities. It's crazy busy and I am exhausted. It's the sheer volume of stuff I don't know at the new job and trying to retain it is serious work. On Friday, I went to bed at 8:30 and I took a nap yesterday. But, I'm really excited about the new job. It's fun and interesting and challenging. It's a great office and I enjoy my new co-workers and it's work I feel good about doing.

Part of the reason I've been quiet is I've been working through all the complex emotions I have about the old job. I worked for a small non-profit and I loved the idea of working for a non profit, like the work was making a difference in the world. Like it was creating a greater good simply because it was for a non-profit. I really bought into the whole notion that I was doing God's work (which all non-profits reinforce with great intensity) and because it was God's work it was okay that I felt used or underpaid or overworked or stressed beyond reasonable expectations.

I feel like I'm justifying my decisions, but the fact of the matter is that how I feel is how I feel. Period. End of discussion. No one else needs to agree with or support what I'm saying, how I feel is how I feel.

I spent a long time contemplating this decision. It wasn't a rushed decision or a rash one. I had a couple of epiphanies through the process:

1. All work can make the world a better place. Working for a non-profit doesn't make the work more noble or more fulfilling. It's what you bring to the job and what the job adds to you that raises the work to something more. It was really kind of arrogant or condescending or something to think about it otherwise-proof positive I have more to learn.
2. No work should negatively affect your self-worth. If and when that happens, run. Run as fast as your little feet will carry you. There is always another place to work. Seriously, run. All that negative emotion builds up and builds up. Eventually it's going to come out. Either at work or at home. There is only so much a person can hold in. 

Now that the decision is made and the transition has begun, I am happy, relieved, excited again. At one point in this process my youngest said "It will be nice to have a happy momma again." Sobering. I had no idea how much negativity and frustration I was bringing home. When I was sharing that with a friend, she said it begins to feel like a coat you put on, that weighs you down and affects every aspect of your life.

No job is worth your personal happiness. None. 

Unfortunately for me, not only was the job affecting me at home, it affected me at work, too. I was so frustrated and well, pissed, that I had an argument at work which I'm not pleased about. I stayed there too long. I take responsibility for that. I did not call out the bully and I put up with the policies I didn't agree with. I take responsibility for that, too. Owning up to my part in the 'argument' at work is and was a real sore spot with me. Not that I take full responsibility for the argument, because it takes two people to fight. What I find upsetting about that incident is that I let my frustration push me into behavior that I can't abide. I don't like arguing. I am quite good at expressing myself and I tell the truth and I work hard to listen really well. I don't like arguing and I don't think it belongs in the workplace. Refer to #2 above. I don't like who I felt I was becoming in relationship to my supervisor. 

No job is worth losing who you really are. None.

There are other gruesome details, which I'm not going to document. I really don't ever want to revisit it and I can't see how it would benefit anyone else. I want to move on, into the light. Suffice it to say, I learned a lot about myself, I will treasure most of the people I met there and I'm grateful, eternally grateful, for the experience. It sounds crazy, but I am eternally grateful for the entire experience, the good, the bad and the ugly. 

Since I know to get where I'm going, I had to be where I was, there's no regret. While I might be disappointed with aspects, I learned there is still more to learn. And really, thank goodness for that. I mean, why would I even get out of bed every day if I were perfect? 

Thought to Ponder

The way you treat your employees is the way they will treat your customers. ~ Richard Branson, Virgin



more to come, soon.

Tips for Craiglist Buyers

I have a thing you have bothered to call about, so it must be something you want. I'm simply selling something I no longer need or want. You are not doing me a favor. If anything, I'm doing you a favor, so if you want me to sell it to you, start with following this checklist:

1. Show up on time. Arrive when you say you are going to arrive. Being late is disrespectful. Disrespect does not incline me to want to sell you anything.
2. Remember: I am a person. 
3. We've never met before, so being pleasant and courteous is a good start.
4. I am selling an item. You are not doing me a favor. 
5. I've put a price on it. That's the price I want or I would have put a different price on it. 
6. YOU are NOT doing me a favor.
7. Don't call 10 times talking about random things or call, trying to keep me on the phone going over and over and over the same thing. I don't have that kind of time. 
8. Don't call 10 minutes before you said you'd arrive to ask for a different time. Again, disrespectful. 
9. Don't start listing all the things that are wrong with the item when you arrive. It's rude. Rudeness does not incline me to want to sell you ANYTHING.
10. You don't want it? Fantastic. Just say so and have a safe trip home. 
11. YOU ARE NOT DOING ME A FAVOR.

Criminy! What on earth are you thinking? Coming to my house and acting like a fool? Calling on the phone eating up my time and energy for nothing. Seriously putting a disclaimer on the ad right now. Fools and Disrespecters need not respond. Some day soon this is going to be a very funny story.

It's a quickie update of sorts...

We've been away for vacation. It was the best vacation yet - relaxing, fun, interesting, filled with people I love. Just the sort of bliss that you want to continue always, which got me to thinking about what might be in my life that negatively impacts my bliss. While floating on the lake or visiting charming small towns around the lake, I let my mind work in the background. No forced study, no struggle, no angst, just letting my brain do what it does best. At the end of the week, I knew that several things needed to change. (I started this on August 2 and am just finishing it today. When you start reading, perhaps you will understand why.)

Scarlet & Gray

The first on the list was my phone. It's nearly 4 years old and in smart phone technology, that's generations! For example: new smart phones have 2GB of RAM standard these days; my old phone had 368 MB of RAM (2GB=2000MB). So? you might say as my husband did... So, it means that when more than one app is running, using RAM, there are MANY screen freezes, system shut downs, inability to use the keyboard, etc. It had also started to lose functionality... like backing up.

So, what to do, what to do. I really love all the new technology, big screens, fancy cameras, but I do not really love the price tags. Technology, like cars, comes at a crazy premium for this year's model. I decided to take the same approach I do when buying a new car... I bought a good quality used model with all the important aspects I was looking for, but at a price I can live with. The bonus to the route I went is I don't have to commit to a two year contract. This is one are of my life where I am a true commitment-phobe. 

So now, I'm a happy iPhone user, who lost all my contacts. Apparently iPhone and Android are not friends and won't share contacts, which I didn't know. And I could enter them all in manually, except the old phone will not cooperate with that. So, I've been slowly rebuilding my contact list. Some people just don't want to help a girl out and so I'll be doing without the pleasure of their contact info. Oh well.

Another thing on the list is my job. I haven't been super happy... Okay, I haven't been happy, even, nevermind super happy, for a while. I like working and I want to feel happy working. I have in the past, so I know it's possible and I don't think it's asking too much. I'm discerning just how to handle this and as it's a big one, I'm taking my time. As Forrest Gump would say: That's all I have to say about that. For now. But, I'll keep you posted.

I've been suffering with some sort of rosacea on my face for a while now. At least I think it falls under the category of rosacea. As with a lot of things, there isn't one cause, everyone experiences it differently with different triggers and combinations of symptoms. The point is: I'm over it. It's negatively affecting me in subtle, sinister ways (like avoiding having my picture taken or avoiding situations with new people). I'm over it. I don't want to live like a hermit.

And it's not like I've been doing nothing... I tried eliminating common "food triggers", but to no avail. Eliminating wheat, tomatoes, spicy food, caffeine, sugar, etc... Any common food trigger I eliminated individually and in combination only made meal time challenging and made no difference whatsoever to my face.  

So, back to the drawing board. I've been researching and have found a couple of things that are really making a difference.

You may remember my post earlier this year about changing what products I was using for skin and hair care, to eliminate sketchy chemicals. At that time, I switched to using only Castille soaps for body and face. That made a difference. The one I use has two ingredients in it: Olive oil, Aloe. Because of the olive oil in the soap, I no longer need lotion on a daily basis. I use it occasionally when it's dry, but haven't used any all summer (so much humidity). Then, after much research and waiting for supplies to arrive, 10 days ago, I started using a blend of avocado oil and tea tree oil before bed. I basically use a 2 to 1 ratio, more avocado, which I eyeball so it's not exact. The change in my face has been dramatic. DRAMATIC. It's only been 10 days and it's noticeable! I was talking to my husband yesterday and he paused mid-sentence and told me how much better it looked. WOO!

Another area that needs attention is organization in our house. We live in a very old house, built when closets were novelties, so there is a serious lack of storage. So whatever storage we have must be really organized and faithfully reviewed. Prior to two years ago, I was much more diligent about looking at the drawers and cabinets and organizing and cleaning them out. But in the last two years it's fallen by the wayside a little and it's starting to negatively affect every day life. I've purchased a few shelving and storage ideas and am going to attack (sounds fierce, doesn't it!) the corner cabinet in the kitchen. I don't know why I think this must be the source of all the clutter, but I do. So, I'm about to wrap up this post and begin. 

There is much in life to be grateful for and every day I see it more and more. This post seems like of litany of problems, but I hope you will look at it the way I do. Life has challenges in it. Period. It does. No one is exempt. In knowing that, I find it very easy to say okay, this is what today holds let's get after it. In putting things aside, not really looking at it, refusing to deal with it or in any other way denying your challenges, just let's them breath and grow. When you shine a light on it, fear (and trouble) withers. It cannot withstand scrutiny. Fear needs the dark and the secret. 

This blog is my way of shining a light on things that are challenging me. I don't always list the most troublesome primarily because not every challenge I face is strictly my own. Just because I feel good and right about posting my personal struggles does not mean I have the right to detail the challenges of those I love. Respect first.

Geez, this is a long post. If you made it all the way to here, Woo HOO! I hope you found something worthwhile. If you didn't, you won't be reading this so, no point in finishi...

So, ALL that being said... I feel energized and am going to get after it. 

PS... We are still yoga-ing, now two times a week. LOVE it!