Hello World!

It's been a while, eh! Sometimes I crack myself up. I noticed that even in my absence, the blog is getting some traffic. It's both pleasing and puzzling. So I decided to look at the posts visitors are reading and sometimes I crack myself up.

I write just the way I talk. Extra exclamations, run on sentences, odd word choices... It's a hoot. It's a really good day when you learn to laugh at yourself! (Have I ever mentioned that before?) It comes with self-awareness, I think, and man oh man is it a good thing.

So, just in case you've been wondering where I've been... I discovered this really great book and I've been reading it every extra minute. If I"m not reading it, I'm talking about it or thinking about it. All day long. It's that good. More on that in a later post.

Here is one of the many items I just re-read "I'm humanly imperfect..." - LOVE it. I am humanly imperfect and so glad of it.

I hope to see you sooner rather than later. Until then, check out some of the old posts, bet they crack you up, too!

Self - Awareness - let's all get some

“When you hold on to your history, you do it at the expense of your destiny.” ~ Bishop T.D. Jakes

Self - Awareness is such an important skill. Please, please, please, spend some time developing the ability to see how you are and how that affects those around you. It is not okay to carry your childhood 'baggage' into senility. It really isn't. I could sugar coat this and say we are all on a journey and doing the best we can (which I believe wholeheartedly), but the fact of the matter is... it just isn't okay.

The thing is that if you aren't at least considering the people around you by the time you are an adult, you are just being lazy. Some will say self centered, egotistical, or shallow. I say lazy. You know the people I"m talking about... They wear the wounds of their childhood proudly and use them as excuses to behave any way they choose. They unleash their junk on you and claim "I had a bad childhood". Well people, I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU: (ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION?) We all have wounds. It's part of life. The difference between you and all the people who "Just don't understand" is that they aren't inflicting their pain on you or using it as a crutch to be small, mean, lazy, unkind and stingy.

Let me say it again... WE ALL HAVE CRAP TO DEAL WITH. It doesn't make you special or unique or deserving of special consideration. What makes people special is how they respond. What makes people unique is how they fulfill the promise of life. Special consideration is reserved for the brave and the strong who persevere, who strive, who attain.

Whew. Tough day. Needed to vent. Thanks for letting me.

BTW~this little blog reached 3,000 views today. That's so cool and a little freaky. I hope you are finding value here. I know it helps me.  Thanks for taking a peek.

Love doesn't end...

My friend's mother just passed away. The day I heard the news, I just couldn't think about it and here's why... My mom passed away 16 years ago and I know just how she feels. I know, because I've lived through it. It was the single most devastating event in my life and it took me years to be able to talk about her without crying. Every time someone I know loses a mother, I revisit those awful, awful days.

I had an interesting childhood, for which I was very angry with my mother. I didn't have a father, she was estranged from her parents, so it was really just her. There was no one else and when you are a child, you cannot understand the complexity of life that leads you to a place where you and your children are not safe. So, I was angry. Unfortunately, my mom died before I could ever say that I realized she was just doing the best she could, where she was. Could she have done better? You know the phrase, when you know better, you do better? In her case she did what she knew how to do, she did her best. So, no, she couldn't have done better. Neither could I - even though I've spent a million years beating myself up for being so angry and difficult. But there is no value in that. We were both at a disadvantage because our need was greater than our ability.

Back to my friend and her fresh loss. I feel her pain. Losing your parent sucks. There aren't any words that help, it just sucks. What did help was the friends and loved ones who stood with me, in person and in thoughts and prayers. They stood with me and made sure I knew it and there were some days I only got through because I had their strength to draw from. So today and every day I'll be standing with my friend, saying nonsense or nothing at all, but standing with her so she isn't trying to stand all on her own, so she knows she's not the only one and so she can lean on me when she needs.

Life has to end, she said. Love doesn't. ~ Mitch Albom

Hugs by mail

Trying to stay connected with kids is tough. There are so many things to distract them and me, it's hard. I read an article once, that said kids need 6 hugs a day, minimum. I'm a firm believer that it does in fact take a village to raise a healthy, sensitive and caring human being. While I can't always be around to give a physical hug, I think virtual hugs are important and valuable, too.

Toward that end, I've begun sending mail to all the kids in my family. Snail mail-you know the kind of thing, with stamps and addresses and everything. Children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews. Every week I send one or two letters, notes or packages out. Kids are so funny and I've been enjoying their reactions to the mail. What's also cool is the sense of fun and enthusiasm I'm feeling through this process. Giving really is a gift for the giver, too!

Today's package is headed to a 3 year old.  I found this adorable Printable online (thank you Pinterest). See my version above. I glued the frogs onto sticks, so she can make the frogs dance while she's singing the song. I included the full version of the song that I printed onto white paper and glued onto green cardstock. It's cute, just a little silly, and I hope she likes them.

I may have mentioned it before, but I have an affinity for frogs as my mom collected them. So each time I see frogs, I get a little memory of mom. Love that.

This practice is another way I'm sharing the light of 2013. The Year of Light has somehow gotten a little lost in the clutter, but I've put my focus back on it. These little love letters are just what the Year of Light is all about.

Follow up

Yesterday I let myself be ticked. I don't like feeling ticked. It's not my best self. It's not love in action. And it doesn't make me feel good.

When I post things on this blog I wonder if I really want to keep things out there for all eternity.

Will I still feel the same in a few days or years from now? Maybe, maybe not.

Will I ever want to re-read these things? Maybe, maybe not.

Do I want other people to read this? Well, that's the big question. In the beginning of the blog, it was a thing I was keeping for myself. It was a place to put things I created and store aspects of my life and since I was the only person reading it, no biggie. As time went on, I realized the powerful benefit of blogging through some 'issues'. Since that is much more personal and now other people are reading it, I've had more than one moment of contemplation about what to post and what not to post.

In the end, the benefit outweighs the risk. And I seriously hope that the somewhat random ramblings that comprise this blog will help someone else.

In the 50 years I've been in this dance, here is one thing I've learned...  talking about it is so much better than not talking about it. There isn't anything to be gained from sweeping your feelings under a rug. So, here is a brief follow up from yesterdays' entry.

After a small, intense discussion with the IC, we have effectively communicated ourselves into a place of better understanding, each sharing our intent in yesterday's misguided conversation. It was a really good conversation, actually. It makes me see, once again, how each challenging moment has a gift in it.

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~ e. e. cummings

Insensitive Comments

So, here's the question of the day... What do you do when someone makes an insensitive comment to you?

It's easy to be pissed, but is that really healthy?

Do you let it create hurt feelings and is that really helpful?

Do you ignore it, though on some level you are upset or else you wouldn't still be thinking about it? And if you ignore it, does the Insensitive Commenter (IC) just continue to plow through life saying stupid stuff? Do you care how the IC goes through life?

Well, here's my situation. I made a random off the cuff comment about someone else this morning, who was wearing much too short shorts. I said, "Why, why, why, is she wearing such short shorts?" She did not hear it, nor did anyone else except the IC. Today the IC decided to 'teach' me a lesson, by likening the sweater I was wearing to the teeny tiny shorts. He said "Why do you wear that red sweater with that little white top? Because you like it. She must like those shorts." There was more, but that's more than enough.

Here's the thing, I could spend some time explaining to you that I don't live in Hollywood, or NYC or the Bahamas and that shorts that just cover your butt cheeks are not really a good idea for anyone, let alone a woman well into her 40's. I could tell you more things, but in the end it is just trying to justify my opinion, which I don't think I need to do. My opinion is my opinion. I'm entitled to it.

What's upsetting to me about this is that he felt the need to guilt me about my opinion. What the hell! This is someone who is supposed to love me. Does he have to love every opinion I have, no. Should he shame and guilt me about a dislike of tiny shorts on full grown adult women? Hell, no.

I could have saved myself this aggravation by staying in bed, this morning. Or keeping an inside my head thought inside my head.  But, I didn't do either of those things. So, now I'm stuck with this thorn in my side. Freaking IC.

Have I ever mentioned before that guilt is a totally crappy emotion, both to have and to impose on another? Shame and guilt are two of the most destructive ways to hurt other people. Probably also contributes to my reaction, here.

Here's another point of contention... I could just fluff off the IC as stupid or thoughtless or a jerk. But I know he is not any of that. He is smart, and caring, and loving. Which makes this morning's exchange even more frustrating.

BLAHHHHH. Communication is a complicated business.

Easy dinner - totally delicious

Egg and quiche cups I made last weekend. Spray a regular sized muffin/cupcake pan with nonstick cooking spray. I used won ton wrappers, two per muffin cup, as the crust. Just fiddle with it until you get good coverage. Then I put a piece of thinly sliced deli ham. Next comes shredded cheddar. Half of the cups have a whole egg, which the others are quiche cups (scrambled eggs with cream). Top with salt and pepper (can you tell we like pepper?) Bake in the oven for 15-18 minutes until the quiche eggs are no longer really jiggly.  It's not an exact science and I'd like to  be able to tell you exactly how long or what to look for, but it's about preference here.  The quiche eggs can go from runny to dry fairly quickly, so I tend to take them out while there is still some movement when the pan is jiggled and let them sit in the pan and continue to cook for a couple of minutes.  This way the eggs are creamy inside. I focus on the quiche eggs as opposed to the whole egg cups as a little runny yolk is good stuff. Or a little set yolk also good stuff. So, notice the weird lighting on the eggs...  It was a bright sunny day and the eggs looked beautiful to my eye, but through the lens... weird.  It also seems as though the won tons are burnt, but they were not. Here's what I will tell you about these egg cups. I made 12 on Saturday afternoon and they were gone by the next morning. I had hopes they might live in the fridge for a couple of days for breakfasts or snacks, but they didn't last 24 hours. I've made these several ways, using a lot of different items for crust and even made some crustless versions, but the wonton wrappers are my favorite choice. They have a crispiness, even on the bottom, without overpowering the ingredients inside. Also, the wontons come out cleanly every single time.  It took less than 10 minutes to prep, 15 to bake. Very nice.

This is also a good, quick breakfast for dinner option!