Revelations on Black Friday

Confession: I used to read a lot. When I was younger, I read voraciously. I still love books and check out lots and lots of them from the library. I find myself unable to read most books cover to cover. I am having trouble "getting into them" you see. I read and re-read paragraphs and chapters because I can't retain the details. It's upsetting to me. I love books. They've been my friends and teachers and I miss reading. I've missed it enough to spend time thinking about it and to write this entry.

There are two culprits, I think:

First, I have a lot of chatter inside my head. On any given day, there are a lot of thoughts, arguments, counter arguments, re-enactments, grumblings, solutions, and challenges rattling around in my head. It's terribly distracting. A book has to be really good to win the battle against the chatter.

Second, my household is vibrant and busy. It's a GOOD problem to have, and one which I'm very grateful for. I only bring it up because I realize this also contributes to the difficulty in plugging into a book. There is almost no time when there aren't people up and about in my house. My husband is an early bird. He is habitually up by 6 and often gets up before then. My kids are night owls and it's not unusual for them to be up until 2 or 3 in the morning. I fall in between - I like to be asleep by 11 and awake by 7. Because we are all on varying sleep and work schedules, there is no downtime in this house. At least, no regular downtime.

I don't have the ability to tune people out. Do you? I am sitting here typing this blog, while my youngest is watching a TV show in one room, my oldest is making food in the kitchen and my husband is snoring in the bedroom. I hear it all and can tell you exactly what the TV show is about and can repeat dialogue, even. There is virtually no way I can read a book in this house, most days. aaahhhh. interesting.

Same thing goes for meditating, a practice I began this year as part of the year of light. It's really hard to find any quiet time to meditate, for the exact same reasons as above. I miss meditating, too. I was getting really frustrated with myself because I'd be in the middle of a meditation and get distracted and... yada, yada, yada.

But, it's not like I would choose a different life. I love my noisy, vibrant family. I love their quirkiness and endless variety and wouldn't want to change any of it. I LOVE THIS MAGIC BLOG! I just needed to figure out what had changed to understand it. Now that I do, I feel fine with this change. Books will always be around and when time allows, I'll read them. Until then, I'll just keep plugged into the love and lunacy of my family and forgive the books, and forgive the meditation, and relax. All is Good!

Daring Greatly

So, the book I mentioned a couple of posts ago is called Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead. by Dr. Brene Brown.

I don't know how to say how much this book means to me. I feel changed for the better. It's amazing and I'd wish for everyone to read it. I love it almost too much. I've talked about it with everyone I know. Okay, here's the weird and honest truth... When I love something this much I'm stunned and amazed when other people don't. I don't have this same reaction to things I like or even really like. It's just when I really love something... like Sopapilla Cheesecake Squares or Valentine's Day gifts for my kids or pot roast carrots or Jane Austen.

So, I really love this book. I started reading this book after watching her TED Talk. Have you been to TED.com? OMG! It's a website with the tagline of "Ideas Worth Sharing". It's the most amazing site and I recommend it highly. Anyway, Brene Brown has two TED Talks and both are really, really good. Once I'd watched the first one, I was hooked. I checked out books from the library, found her website, and the obsession was in full swing.

First let me say, it's non-fiction. As if you can't tell by the title, but someone I talked to was surprised it's non fiction. I enjoy non fiction, but even if you don't, please think about reading her books.

The other thing I will say is that she gives definition to ideas I've been talking about on this blog - - shame and guilt and a whole host of others. Her definitions, built from years of research, helped me to be able to express what I've been feeling and trying somewhat unsuccessfully to verbalize. She also introduced me to her concept of Whole Hearted Living, which, of course, I want! Whole Heartedness is a term I hadn't really thought about before reading this book, but is a way of living and being that I've been striving for. It's a concept that I didn't have a name for, which is part of the reason this book means so much to me, I know. I've been looking for a way to unravel my emotions and understand why I react the way I do, sometimes. There is great power in giving things a name.

Brene Brown is funny and upfront in a way that I totally love. Interspersed in the book are personal stories from the research participants and the author that illustrate the concepts presented. They are helpful, funny, sometimes raw, touching and REAL. The book is also filled with statistics and research data, and that takes some attention for those of us who don't love data. But, my oh my, is it worth it! She has explored just what it means to be and live whole-heartedly with the help of thousands of research participants and the book tells the story. Every chapter is mind blowing and she fills the pages with little gems like:“Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.” and "Courage is telling our story, not being immune to criticism." and "You're imperfect and wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging."

At the risk of scaring people off with my enthusiasm, all I'm really going to say about the book is this: It's good, really good. I found hope and healing and understanding reading it. I think there is value for everyone, but I firmly believe that we all find the wisdom we need when we are ready and not a moment sooner.

So, if you read the book and don't like it, no biggie. If you read it and like it, let's talk!

The Voice
Shel Silverstein ~ from the book "Falling Up" (1996)

There is a voice inside of you
that whispers all day long,
"I feel that this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong."
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
or wise man can decide
what's right for you - just listen to
the voice that speaks inside.

We love this poem in our house. If you haven't discovered Shel Silverstein or if it's been a while, pick up a book. You will never regret it.

I love the library!

I have always loved books, as long as I can remember. My mother was an avid reader and so am I. Books have a smell all their own and a really good book smells of knowledge.

My earliest favorite book was 'The Snowy Day' by Ezra Jack Keats. I remember reading it over and over in kindergarten. I could feel myself inside this book. Feel myself track through the snow with Peter as he adventured. It was magic.

Lately I don't have as much time for reading, but have found the most amazing thing at my library. Needless to say, I love the library, from the feel, the look, the stacks and stacks of books to the technology and the people who run it. The library is filled with mystery, adventure, exploration, excitement, learning, knowledge...

Anyway, back to the amazing thing I found at the library, it is called a Playaway. It's a recorded book, but in a small MP3 type player. Simple, only has the one book on it with just a few buttons to operate it. It's a book on tape, only current. Being a true bookworm, book lover, bibliophile, I definitely prefer to hold the book, feel the paper, smell the binding and read myself. However, this little invention is perfection for books I know and love. I'm currently working through Jane Austen!

To be certain, this is not new technology, but to me it is and I'm excited. I've been grocery shopping, gardening, and marathon cooking, all with the sounds of Jane Austen's heroines filling my ears. I'm keeping up with other goals and still feeding my soul with beautiful words.

So, if you need me, I'll be sewing some new shorts to go with my new blouses (see previous posts), listening to Elizabeth Bennett struggle against her love for Fitzwilliam Darcy.

Favorite Book

A little off my theme of the week, but...

I rarely read a book more than once. There are three main reasons for that: First, I like to be surprised when I'm reading. I don't like formula books, much, because once you know the author, you know what is coming. Second, I'm not the sort who wants to memorize a book. I prefer to absorb and remember the essence or flavor or feeling of a book. Finally, there are just so many unread books waiting for me. So a book has to be really, really something for a second read.

This is one of those books for me. Rosamunde Pilcher's Winter Soltice. There is just something about this story that really speaks to me. It is not in any great hurry, nor does it have spectacular special effects or a neatly packaged moral. It is a gentle unfolding of some genuine, interesting characters and their life events. It is both heartbreaking and heartwarming and I highly recommend it.