The knitter's wrist...

Last year I developed this pain in my right wrist, along the top only. It's dull and achy with just the occasional sharp twinge. I spent an hour trying to reconfigure my workstation to improve the ergonomics because I figured it to be carpal tunnel-esque, but no improvement. I reduced the number of hours I spent at the computer, home and work. I took breaks every so often to stretch and exercise said wrist. I iced. I warmed. Still no lasting improvement. Quite frustrating, but I learned to live with it. Fast forward to this week. My wrist has started hurting again. I say again, because when I noticed it was hurting I realized it hadn't bothered me in months. Months. So that got me to wondering what's different right now than it was two weeks ago. Work is the same. I actually spend less time on the computer at home than ever before because of my smart phone. I discovered the pain I have isn't consistent with carpal tunnel at all. Hmmm... Now this is a puzzler. I can't think what the pain could be from. Did I sleep on it wrong? Pull it doing some yard work or... As my mind zipped along the possibilities, I picked up the knitting I've been working on (gift for a small sports fan) and voila... Pain intensified. I hadn't knitted much this summer, which is why the pain disappeared without my noticing. I've been knitting, pain free, for years, but last year we rearranged the furniture and I've been sitting in a chair with arms to knit, whereas before I sat on a couch, away from the arms to knit. Mystery solved. Little did I know that pain in the wrist is very common for knitters.

Some people like drama

Life is about choices and some people choose drama. I suppose they like the tension, the friction, the intensity. I don't really get it... I suppose I don't really want to get it, either. I had a lot of drama in my childhood and choose not to have it in my adulthood. I can see why people are attracted to it, much in the same way adrenaline junkies are drawn to extreme sports. I figured out quite some time ago that I don't need drama to have excitement. Life is exciting all on it's own.

The mountain is part of the Blue Ridge mountains in North Carolina. I love the cloud enveloping the top of the mountain. Amazing

Roundabouts

Ever feel like your journey takes a detour? You know, zipping along - singing with the songs in your heart - enjoying the breeze - and suddenly, you don't know what makes you realize it, but you are not where you intended to be. Damn. How did that happen. Did I miss a turn? Was there a warning sign I didn't see?

Well, I'm there. I feel like I'm stuck in a roundabout, without an exit. I know how I got started, but I was on my way to the super highway and how I ever got stuck on this roundabout is a mystery. I believe I'm more than a little ticked. I made a choice to do something that turned into something I didn't expect, which happens. Sometimes it turns out great, sometimes it turns out yukky. I'm caught in the middle of something that is mostly yukky and I must figure out what to do about it. There are aspects of it that are not yukky and that is why I'm struggling so much. I've tried talking about it, to my best and closest, but all that did was make me even sicker of the roundabout. I've tried only saying positive things about the roundabout and pushing away every negative thought, but that was exhausting and ineffective. I've tried putting it a box, so to speak, on the days I'm not required to physically deal with the roundabout. But here's the thing... I'm not gifted at compartmentalizing and it's been going on so long that this ambivalence, this tug of war is beginning to infect the rest of my life. Now, I'm really ticked! So, it's time to get off this roundabout. Now. This minute. I refuse to give my power to the roundabout. I refuse to allow ambivalence to become my life. It's time to begin focusing on what I do want and if that means I lose the good aspects of the roundabout, then so be it. I'm a pretty incredible person. Don't think me conceited because I'm not. Conceited would be if I thought I was more incredible or the most incredible person, which I do not. I simply know my worth and I'm saying in this moment of realization I'm a pretty incredible person and there is just no sense in spending any more days on the roundabout without an exit.

If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced. ~Vincent Van Gogh

Birthday Boy

Today is my first baby's birthday. On this day, 22 years ago I was blessed with a son.

My life is richer, fuller, more colorful, more challenging, more loving... well more because he came into my life. I completely wanted a child - 100% wanted a baby. No doubts, no questions. I felt from the beginning he was a boy and vividly dreamed about him. The pregnancy became more difficult towards the end for me and the baby. I was scared, not just about our health, but about becoming a mother (thanks in part to the oh so helpful brigade of people who just love sharing pregnancy, birth and motherhood stories). One day in September, he arrived, three weeks before his due date. When we first made eye contact I sighed from my very toes it seemed, then cried and laughed at the same time. I knew it was going to be okay. You see, I recognized this sweet, amazing little bundle of wonder from my dreams. And though stress and fear had kept me from dreaming of him at the end, we'd met many times in the earlier parts of my pregnancy. We were old friends and everything is possible with an old friend. Happy, Happy Birthday!