I had an interesting childhood, for which I was very angry with my mother. I didn't have a father, she was estranged from her parents, so it was really just her. There was no one else and when you are a child, you cannot understand the complexity of life that leads you to a place where you and your children are not safe. So, I was angry. Unfortunately, my mom died before I could ever say that I realized she was just doing the best she could, where she was. Could she have done better? You know the phrase, when you know better, you do better? In her case she did what she knew how to do, she did her best. So, no, she couldn't have done better. Neither could I - even though I've spent a million years beating myself up for being so angry and difficult. But there is no value in that. We were both at a disadvantage because our need was greater than our ability.
Back to my friend and her fresh loss. I feel her pain. Losing your parent sucks. There aren't any words that help, it just sucks. What did help was the friends and loved ones who stood with me, in person and in thoughts and prayers. They stood with me and made sure I knew it and there were some days I only got through because I had their strength to draw from. So today and every day I'll be standing with my friend, saying nonsense or nothing at all, but standing with her so she isn't trying to stand all on her own, so she knows she's not the only one and so she can lean on me when she needs.
Life has to end, she said. Love doesn't. ~ Mitch Albom