It's weird the thoughts that run through my mind when I can't sleep. Since I can't, I thought I'd share:
- It's been a week. I mean A WEEK. It's quite late for me, but I can't sleep.
- It's quiet-ish in the house at this time of night, but not total silence. I can hear my husband snoring and the cat psuedo-snoring. The dog is dreaming and must be running because her legs are twitching and her tags are jingling.
- I woke up the night of the awful-ness, possibly because I heard something, but at the time I didn't hear anything else and thought I must have been dreaming. But, in the nights since, I'm struggling to go to sleep. I feel guilty. The chickens were in our care and it is beyond upsetting. Guilt is among the worst, most destructive emotions.
- I have a new mop. I'm working on a post about it, but who knows when that'll be published.
- We have the loveliest, best tasting water fresh from our tap. We have a spring fed well and the water is delicious.
- I really can't find any clarity about the situation with the chickens. As you can tell by the mish-mash and incoherent thoughts I've managed to put into this post.
- They were our chickens and my heart is aching. Little Jill, a tiny little Old English Bantam would run over to say hi every time I came out the back door. I will miss that.
- I love my new wedding band! It's beautiful and meaningful and feels good.
- When I'm upset, my face breaks out. Which, given the fact that I will be turning 50 this year, is really quite annoying. I'm well past the age of breakouts, dog gone it.
- Clearly I'm not really a farmer, since I name my chickens and cry at their passing.
- I planted some really fun gourds this week. I hope they grow like crazy! I've always wanted to try turning the dried gourds into something beautiful and artsy.
- I started making a new nightgown tonight from a sheet. I have a pattern I made some time ago and I use the serger to finish all the edges, which I leave exposed. More on this later, after I have it finished, and can post picutres.
- I know that time will heal and eventually I will be able to set down the guilt. It's not helpful or healthy to hold on to such destructive feelings. I know this and I'm figuring out how to handle it. I just need a little time.
Well this post has worked it's magic. I've had three yawns in a row, so it must be time for bed.